A Glossary of (Humorous) Terms...

I thought it would be fun to create a glossary of terms for the site so we're all speaking the same language, so to speak. It's mostly in jest with some occasional facts thrown in. It may or may not fly, but let's give it a shot. If you have any ideas put them in the comments section and we'll start compiling a list.

Wool - A magical fiber shorn from animals known as "sheep". Wool has many magical properties that defy physics such as the ability to keep you cool when it is hot while simultaneously keeping you warm when it is cold. Explanations of this vary but the most widely accepted is that sheep are the domesticated pets of faerie-like creatures known as "Elves" that reside in a magical land known as "Rivendell" which until recently was not thought to exist. Turns out Rivendell is located in Walnut Creek, not too far off from a citadel known as "San Francisco."

The Great GP, GP - GP, an abbreviation of Grant Peterson, founder of Rivendell and designer of the much coveted mythic steed known as the XO-1, a bike that is said to be simultaneously a mountain bike, touring bike, road bike and commuting bike at once, defying all modern marketing classifications. Those clever elves.

Hemp Twine - A thin ropey material that is related both to cannabis and to hops, but can get you neither high or drunk if ingested. The most typical modern use of hemp twine is to "finish off" handlebar tape. The finishing off process also generally involves a coat of shellac which is bug poop, which unlike hemp twine, will get you light-headed if inhaled deeply (don't try this at home).

SOP - SOP (Step-On Pedal) is the belief that using the cheap pedals that came with your bike and not the expensive ones that look like a pancake whisk or lollipop is technically and morally superior. It is both a brazen act of practicality and an act against conspicuous bicycle consumption.

Steel - A legendary magic alloy which lays between iron and carbon. Steel is said to absorbs bumps, bangs and vibrations. Steel has been said to be nearly indestructible. In event of a crash it can be either bent back into place, welded or unbrazed and partially replaced. Elegantly lugged or brutally TIG'ed, the steel frame can be a work of art to last a lifetime. It's density even gives an excuse for slow climbing! (thanks Hocam)

"Index" Shifting - A bicycle advancement of little note. Said to be a fashion of the time (see elliptical chainrings). It allows those with neither finesse or acumen to shift gears by virtue of a simplified "one-click equals one shift." Index shifting "systems" are highly incompatible, prone to maladjustment, are not field serviceable and often come in ugly plastic configurations.

JRA - Acronym for "just riding along." Often used to explain inexplicable, sudden, and mysterious bicycle failures which usually has nothing to do with curb jumping, wheelies and BMX tricks, honest! For example, " I was "just riding along" with some friends and my chain broke causing me to wreck my new front tri-spoke and shattering my rear Synergies."